⁾⁾﹒💤﹒academic validation

im tired of being shot down by a million different people,
only to get back up with bullet holes etched in my lungs,
convince myself that i’m strong as iron, even lethal,
hopelessly remember every word come out of their tongues.
how does one mark manage to hurt so much?

im tired of trying twice as hard to get half as far,
if it’s like this, i don’t even want to try anymore,
i don’t want to end up with false reassurances of my ‘guiding’ star,
my eyes gaze up, unconscious of my shattered heart across the floor.
how does one mark manage to hurt so much?

im tired of being determined to my goal,
when everyone else is only determined to do better than i,
slowly, as i transform into the ‘standard’ for comparison – i take the toll,
in a blink of an eye, suddenly i, end up lost – in the endless sky.
how does one mark manage to hurt so much?

and im tired of people telling me that it’s still a good grade,
they don’t know it’s me and my validation against the world,
assumptions, rumours, theories, now it’s been a decade,
it goes on like an endless unfold.
how does one mark manage to hurt so much?