purple lilac skies

hey guys! this a poem about body dysmorphia. i wrote it a while ago as a part of our fellowship and i think we tend to perceive our bodies as what they are not, rather than what they are! body dysmorphic disorder is a psychiatric illness where people get so conscious with their looks that they may do concerning things to “fix” it. we all feel imperfect sometimes, but people suffering from bdd have an overwhelming reaction to their “flaws”.

my insecure gaze towards the mirror,
as i see my flaws, my teary eyes.
worried, anxious - become my own murderer
oh where are my guiding stars? i gaze through blurry eyes
at purple lilac skies.

i want to fix it, i can't resist.
but all my tries,
turn into ghosted mist.
i gaze through blurry eyes,
at purple lilac skies.

maybe the skies are my home,
oh, must i end it? i feel like a brave coward,
my safe space, all i want to roam.
yet their cruel words overpowered.
i continue to gaze through my blurry eyes,
at purple -
lilac,
skies.

on this website, i want it to be nothing but a safe space for all of us! the ‘purple lilac skies’ that i’m referring to is basically this website, which is like a home to me. although i won’t overanalyze this poem (because i never tell you guys what i mean through these poems as i leave it to you to figure out) i want to educate you guys about the disorder. it can be caused by insecurity, mainly.

but were you insecure or did someone make you insecure?

and this insecurity gets so bad that you become your own murderer. those who get it, get it. next, by “blurry eyes” i mean to signify the tears we cry because of someone else’s words. and that brings us to our next line ~ “yet their cruel words overpowered”. meaning, all those bullies who told you that you’d never look good enough – yes that is a cause for bdd.

(gosh this is difficult because i’ve never analyzed my own poetry but at the same time i want you to know what i mean! though, you are always more than welcome to leave your own interpretations below.)

anyway, thanks for reading!
goodbye ~